I WAS JUST A COLD WARRIOR

Dearly Beloved, you probably know that I'm a veteran, and you also might know of that are you with PTSD. It didn't result from being in combat on what you usually think of as a battlefield. But all kinds of wars are engendered by hate and someways, and we who are Cold Warriors we're preparing for the unthinkable possibility of nuclear war because of the hatred and fear that developed in the post World War II era because of archaeological an economic differences and the ravages of that war and those that followed in Korea and in Vietnam.

So the traumatic experiences that I had came from being in the company of comrades who helped to monitor the Nuclear Test Ban Treaty and in support of pilots who intercepted Soviet bombers off the coasts of Alaska never knowing if the next intercept would be on the day that "the balloon went up". 

That was the euphemism we used to describe the beginning of all out nuclear war which has been a reality since we first employed nuclear weapons to help convince Japan to surrender and then other countries also got that capability and then developed nuclear arsenals.

I can remember being terrified as a nine-year-old child during the Cuban Missile Crisis and beyond. One of the reasons I decided to study the Russian language when I was fifteen, and it was offered in my high school, was that, frightened as I was, I wanted to try to help do something about stopping anything that might lead to an all out nuclear war.

Of course by the time the US involvement in Southeast Asia was ongoing, and Arms Race was moving along full speed ahead. When I went to college I was determined to continue studying Russian, and also to find out more about Russian culture and history. 

I wanted to know why the US and the Soviet Union, and the other three nuclear powers at that time in the early 70s--Great Britain, France and China--felt it necessary to hold the people of the world hostage by the threats of using nuclear weapons.

That led me to join the US Air Force and become an intelligence officer specializing in Soviet military and political affairs, in the strategic triad; and in space, missile, nuclear and advanced weapons developments. In the 1980s, when I was on active duty and all the years I served in the reserves, counter-terrorism and counter-intelligence was important as well.

I took part in operations when Soviet missiles were being tested in the middle of the Pacific Ocean and when we were testing missiles and launching manned and unmanned spacecraft off the east central coast of Florida. My responsibilities to serve the fighter pilots I worked with at the 21st Tactical Fighter Wing in Alaska included aircraft recognition training; electronic warfare training, search and rescue training and other kinds of training pertinent to our mission. 

Pilots I worked with, knew well and cared about were killed in aircraft crashes or successfully ejected from planes that stopped working properly over the wilderness of Alaska. Our wonderfully well-liked wing commander was lost when his plan crashed into the Yellow Sea just as we began to take part in an annual exercise for the protection of South Korea.  I was one of the last people to see him after briefing him before his combat exercise sortie. But I also saw some of my best friend right before their accidents as well.

So the PTSD triggers that lead to the symptoms for me do not come from hand-to-hand combat or being in the proximity of IED detonations like the young veterans I see getting help at the VA Med Ctrs where I have been blessed to be have been able to get help since 1988. 

The best thing about that is the understanding I have for the veterans of all ages who are getting the help they need from our nation's Veterans Administration.

The worst thing is seeing how many men and women are suffering. 

No one ever comes back from experiencing the violence that is based in hatred. Everyone who comes back from a war or other kinds of trauma is affected in some life-changing way.

And sadly, the promises made to veterans by our government are not always made good. Budgets get cut and sometimes the first place the funds disappear are those for veterans' benefits. 

You may recall that beginning in 1993 through 2017, there were two administrations when veterans benefits were fully funded (the Clinton Administration and the Obama Administration) with eight years in between when the medical benefits were cut so extremely by the younger Bush Administration that young veterans who had fought in former Yugoslavia and were coming home wounded from Iraq and Afghanistan, as well as older veterans all the way back to the WW II era found severely degraded medical services. 

That was all over the news at the time because veterans organizations and the press finally made sure everyone knew. I was lucky that during those early years of the new millennium, starting in the spring of 2005, I didn't need much help from any VA Clinics, and was blessed to be able to go overseas in mission to Kazakhstan and Russia for months at a time through the spring of 2011.

That was another way that the Lord allowed me to use my Russian language capabilities and my experiences learning about Russian history and Russian culture.

Of course I learned a lot more about the former Soviet people and a lot more about faith, too, in those years.  And the dedication to mission that I was trained to use in uniform stood me in good stead while in service to the Lord as well.

These are examples of how God has used things that were difficult for me for good in my life and work.

The reason I started to write this was that I was reflecting on why the election and the last eight months have triggered some PTSD episodes for me. I realized that the rampant hatred and fear that has been lying just under the surface during this administration have been scary to me in not unreasonable ways. 

And now that last weekend we have witnessed an eruption of the hatred and violence, the trauma triggers continue.  I thank God that I have help when the symptoms are triggered and memories seem to rear their ugly heads.

Rationally I understand why and I have the tools to work through the symptoms and come out on the peaceful, fearless side again.

But why should we be going through it again? What are we going to do to stop them?

I know a lot of people are working on the answers to those questions and I will find more ways to help, God willing.

It is going to take all of us working together so that our nation will truly live up to the ideals that it was "conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all men" are created equal--and let's make that all people are/EVERYONE is created equal. 

We have been a light to the people of the world for most of our 241 years through forty-four presidents. The light never shined as bright as it could have because it was shrouded because slavery was allowed to remain and because of the way the indigenous people of our territories were treated. 

And our light of liberty that has promised the hope of refuge, justice and opportunity to suffering people in the world was threatened to be extinguished by the formation of the Confederacy and the Civil War. 

Then our light has shined brighter because of our efforts to end both of the World Wars in the 20th Century and when we fought Communist oppression in Korea and Vietnam. Even when we have delayed and faltered and come up short, until recently we have always fought against enemies who have subjugated and oppressed people while waging wars of terror against them.

What changed so fundamentally that we find ourselves with leadership that aids, abets and encourages all that we have fought against previously?

Some say it is backlash from those who insist that only white men should be in power and that only caucasians have a right to be Americans. Those are sickening thoughts unworthy of the descendants of our idealist founders, imperfect people though they were.

We are paying again for their inability to put their ideals into practice, demeaning and limiting them by choosing the importance of wealth over the importance of people's live and well-being.

We must stop this from happening again, and it will take all of us working together with God's help to do it.

And yes, as a friend pointed out to me today, even people who don't believe in God can recognize evil when they see it. So, of course. All of us who know evil when we see it can work together against the people who are embracing and perpetrating it.

If we don't work together, we will all suffer and so will generations of people, even those who thought it would be okay to allow this administration to be in power.

It's not okay. We need to get them out and work against those who are in league with them.

Now. Until we've won back our nation.

It may take a while. Nevertheless, we will persist.