The second to the last guy who asked to marry me was a friend who
popped into my life after fifteen years. I was at the Anchorage Airport
having just put my folks on a plane heading back to Chicago. All of a
sudden there in front of me was my old friend's Mom. She was heading to her gate, having just been escorted there by her son.
I knew my friend's mother and two older sisters much better than I had known him, since he had more or less played the role of pesky little brother. Would never have recognized him. You have probably noticed that some men look nothing like they looked when they were teenagers. I wonder why.
Then other guys look almost the same, just grown to full size. At our 20th high school reunion that was held six years after our divorce I was amazed to find my self in a big room full of people who(for the most part) knew and loved one another. Or (for the least part) had shared a certain geography, teachers and classmates as well as students in classes above and below them. The reason I was so amazed had a bit to do with being "out there" dating again for the first time since I was barely eighteen.
The nostalgia I feel about our home town only deepens over the years, especially because of social media and the web of connections in which I find my self at the age of 61 1/2. I also have learned a great deal about the way people remember me and even some secrets about the time that I was estranged from my kids after they had gone to live with their dad and stepmom.
One of the main revelations has been that many times it has appeared that people I thought really cared about me back then do not seem interested in any updates about my life. But then again, why should they if they have not seen me or even thought of me for twenty or forty years.
Then again there have been sweet surprises like an older boy who lived near our school bus stop writing that he could just "hear" me singing the Happy Birthday Song when I posted a chat version of the same on his birthday.
When I have asked the Lord to give me a better idea of how He sees me . . . or when as just recently the Holy Spirit lets me know that some friends already in Glory want me to know how they felt about me while we were all still on this side of the veil. I'm sure that was triggered by finding out online that several good friends from my active duty days in the US Air Force have passed away in the last few years.
I think one of the best cinematic depictions of being stuck in the past comes from the first "Superman" movie with Christopher Reeves. Do you remember the scene? The big bad villains have been put into a kind of prison where they are trapped inside a mirror of sorts and just floating through the universe until the effects of the Planet Krypton being demolished trigger the "locks" on their mirrored cells to bust open and they escape and head down to Earth to revenge themselves against Superman's father (who was the prosecutor most credited with their sentences).
Of course since Superman's Dad has been destroyed along with his Mom and everyone else on the Planet Krypton . . . and the planet itself, the big bad guys want to destroy Superman.
When I get like this the past is much more vivid than the present. The psycho-therapeutic community tends to call this kind of consciousness dissociation. Usually triggered by some trauma or by memories of trauma, there always seems to be the danger of not being able to come back to the present. Along those lines I was thinking about several situations concerning the late, marvelously great and wonderful Robin Williams and his abandonment of us.
Several scenes from the movie "The Big Chill" come to mind. Scenes and the music to go with them, actually. Can't always come back to the present until all the spirits of dear ones have each had their say.
I knew my friend's mother and two older sisters much better than I had known him, since he had more or less played the role of pesky little brother. Would never have recognized him. You have probably noticed that some men look nothing like they looked when they were teenagers. I wonder why.
Then other guys look almost the same, just grown to full size. At our 20th high school reunion that was held six years after our divorce I was amazed to find my self in a big room full of people who(for the most part) knew and loved one another. Or (for the least part) had shared a certain geography, teachers and classmates as well as students in classes above and below them. The reason I was so amazed had a bit to do with being "out there" dating again for the first time since I was barely eighteen.
The nostalgia I feel about our home town only deepens over the years, especially because of social media and the web of connections in which I find my self at the age of 61 1/2. I also have learned a great deal about the way people remember me and even some secrets about the time that I was estranged from my kids after they had gone to live with their dad and stepmom.
One of the main revelations has been that many times it has appeared that people I thought really cared about me back then do not seem interested in any updates about my life. But then again, why should they if they have not seen me or even thought of me for twenty or forty years.
Then again there have been sweet surprises like an older boy who lived near our school bus stop writing that he could just "hear" me singing the Happy Birthday Song when I posted a chat version of the same on his birthday.
When I have asked the Lord to give me a better idea of how He sees me . . . or when as just recently the Holy Spirit lets me know that some friends already in Glory want me to know how they felt about me while we were all still on this side of the veil. I'm sure that was triggered by finding out online that several good friends from my active duty days in the US Air Force have passed away in the last few years.
I think one of the best cinematic depictions of being stuck in the past comes from the first "Superman" movie with Christopher Reeves. Do you remember the scene? The big bad villains have been put into a kind of prison where they are trapped inside a mirror of sorts and just floating through the universe until the effects of the Planet Krypton being demolished trigger the "locks" on their mirrored cells to bust open and they escape and head down to Earth to revenge themselves against Superman's father (who was the prosecutor most credited with their sentences).
Of course since Superman's Dad has been destroyed along with his Mom and everyone else on the Planet Krypton . . . and the planet itself, the big bad guys want to destroy Superman.
When I get like this the past is much more vivid than the present. The psycho-therapeutic community tends to call this kind of consciousness dissociation. Usually triggered by some trauma or by memories of trauma, there always seems to be the danger of not being able to come back to the present. Along those lines I was thinking about several situations concerning the late, marvelously great and wonderful Robin Williams and his abandonment of us.
Several scenes from the movie "The Big Chill" come to mind. Scenes and the music to go with them, actually. Can't always come back to the present until all the spirits of dear ones have each had their say.
The Big Chill
Oh, I forgot. My friend from childhood was the third to the last guy who asked me to marry him.
That's as far as I can get to whatever is wafting through my mind on topics like these tonight. Maybe I will remember why I started to tell you about it when I wake up in the morning.
More than ever feeling a bit like an unnoticed ghost at her own wake. Sleep will bring the answers, I hope. Meanwhile, please don't be alarmed. I am safe and sound and well taken care of by beloved family members.
Oh, I forgot. My friend from childhood was the third to the last guy who asked me to marry him.
That's as far as I can get to whatever is wafting through my mind on topics like these tonight. Maybe I will remember why I started to tell you about it when I wake up in the morning.
More than ever feeling a bit like an unnoticed ghost at her own wake. Sleep will bring the answers, I hope. Meanwhile, please don't be alarmed. I am safe and sound and well taken care of by beloved family members.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.